Saturday, August 29, 2009
That's the label I have wanted to award myself for quite some time, or rather, to the past of me. And I have nothing to say towards a lax attitude. I believe, the most relentless enemy within, is our sloth; And the most difficult energy to muster, is our motivation.
When I was still a little small boy. I have detected an incredibly low self-esteem, coupled with a negativity too much and the lack in the area of discipline. I have to admit, even though I couldn't bring myself towards acknowledging it. So yes, I was the pessimistic type. One thing though, I was amazed by how people become successful in life. I especially admire those people who attain excellent results academically. I studied hard to top the class. And... I succeeded. I was still overpowered by pessimism. But sometimes, being pessimistic is not all bad, looking at such way, in retrospect. For it was what kept driving me forward, (even though back then I have even suffered from bottomless self-doubting over my own ability) lest that I may lose what I have worked hard for-the result itself and the dignity? It wasn't kiasu by the way.
However, it was too early, perhaps. It wasn't something great after all. In time, I felt it was an too easy a task to accomplish. Stupid and ignorant? Yes, I think so too. And slowly, very slowly, I let up in that area and sought other things that would give me much pleasure. A tinge of irresponsible, don't-give-a-damn attitude began to plant its seed in me. That is, to be exact, I have lost myself.
So I have just...changed? "Impossible!" I told myself. Quickly, and in a very distraught way, I buckled down to study. But how could I have known that all these futile attempts would be as fruitless as I have thought? The next 30 minutes, I was sitting in front of the computer. You might think that I was addicted to the computer, but no, because more often than not, I found myself doing other stuffs. In short, I was just dawdling around frivolously and wasting away my time. I've tried all sort of ways to motivate myself, but they weren't very effective. Then, the next stage, I pretended as if nothing serious had happened. I procrastinated things that need to be done, to a very severe extent, until it drained my energy and what's more, burdened my mind. I tried to maintain my excellency alright? but with too much procrastination at the same time. Why? I have told you, self-giving up is the worst that anyone would achieve.
A plausible excuse, that is.
*Sigh, excuses truly. They have really taken a toll in me...
So, thinking and judging from every perspective, I just wanted to be labeled excellent after all? And on the other hand, I couldn't manage myself to it.
That is, I don't deserve it.
I continued spending my days in between the desire of striving and the evil of procrastination. All I did was 'appearance work', whatever you may call it. I was too afraid to be derided. Yes! And that everyone would be disappointed with me. But seriously, I would take the trouble to do so, so that these people would describe me as 'good student' and whatnot.
And my pathetic story shall end here...
It had really led me thinking for several nights. I started thinking. Who is the irresponsible person am I right now? Who is the one standing in front every time I stare into the mirror? Hyde?
AND, for all my life, I have been waiting for this right time, for this right moment to come. You might think that I am pretty useless, but you would have no idea how immense is the internal struggle and contending within me. But wait, doesn't anyone is facing the same problem?
I was just one of those who couldn't handle the problem? Not in the correct and proper way. It was until I know this person, this very special young lady, a friend of mine, indirectly, should I say? Till then, I am truly, indeed, Inspired, Motivated, Triggered, whatever you may call it. Ah, I must be really thankful to you!
It may be too late for trial, but never it will be for my SPM.
Natural tendencies will make you whine. Courage will make you suck it up, move on, and improve.
Bye!
-You must accept finite disappointment, but you must never lose infinite hope.-
|12:29|
Obtuse; lacking intellectual acuity.
That's the label I have wanted to award myself for quite some time, or rather, to the past of me. And I have nothing to say towards a lax attitude. I believe, the most relentless enemy within, is our sloth; And the most difficult energy to muster, is our motivation.
When I was still a little small boy. I have detected an incredibly low self-esteem, coupled with a negativity too much and the lack in the area of discipline. I have to admit, even though I couldn't bring myself towards acknowledging it. So yes, I was the pessimistic type. One thing though, I was amazed by how people become successful in life. I especially admire those people who attain excellent results academically. I studied hard to top the class. And... I succeeded. I was still overpowered by pessimism. But sometimes, being pessimistic is not all bad, looking at such way, in retrospect. For it was what kept driving me forward, (even though back then I have even suffered from bottomless self-doubting over my own ability) lest that I may lose what I have worked hard for-the result itself and the dignity? It wasn't kiasu by the way.
However, it was too early, perhaps. It wasn't something great after all. In time, I felt it was an too easy a task to accomplish. Stupid and ignorant? Yes, I think so too. And slowly, very slowly, I let up in that area and sought other things that would give me much pleasure. A tinge of irresponsible, don't-give-a-damn attitude began to plant its seed in me. That is, to be exact, I have lost myself.
So I have just...changed? "Impossible!" I told myself. Quickly, and in a very distraught way, I buckled down to study. But how could I have known that all these futile attempts would be as fruitless as I have thought? The next 30 minutes, I was sitting in front of the computer. You might think that I was addicted to the computer, but no, because more often than not, I found myself doing other stuffs. In short, I was just dawdling around frivolously and wasting away my time. I've tried all sort of ways to motivate myself, but they weren't very effective. Then, the next stage, I pretended as if nothing serious had happened. I procrastinated things that need to be done, to a very severe extent, until it drained my energy and what's more, burdened my mind. I tried to maintain my excellency alright? but with too much procrastination at the same time. Why? I have told you, self-giving up is the worst that anyone would achieve.
A plausible excuse, that is.
*Sigh, excuses truly. They have really taken a toll in me...
So, thinking and judging from every perspective, I just wanted to be labeled excellent after all? And on the other hand, I couldn't manage myself to it.
That is, I don't deserve it.
I continued spending my days in between the desire of striving and the evil of procrastination. All I did was 'appearance work', whatever you may call it. I was too afraid to be derided. Yes! And that everyone would be disappointed with me. But seriously, I would take the trouble to do so, so that these people would describe me as 'good student' and whatnot.
And my pathetic story shall end here...
It had really led me thinking for several nights. I started thinking. Who is the irresponsible person am I right now? Who is the one standing in front every time I stare into the mirror? Hyde?
AND, for all my life, I have been waiting for this right time, for this right moment to come. You might think that I am pretty useless, but you would have no idea how immense is the internal struggle and contending within me. But wait, doesn't anyone is facing the same problem?
I was just one of those who couldn't handle the problem? Not in the correct and proper way. It was until I know this person, this very special young lady, a friend of mine, indirectly, should I say? Till then, I am truly, indeed, Inspired, Motivated, Triggered, whatever you may call it. Ah, I must be really thankful to you!
It may be too late for trial, but never it will be for my SPM.
Natural tendencies will make you whine. Courage will make you suck it up, move on, and improve.
Bye!
-You must accept finite disappointment, but you must never lose infinite hope.-
I still remember my dream. The one and only one. _________________________________________________
Thursday, August 27, 2009
|11:48|
过去总要离开 无论多少感慨 明天总会来
生命没有彩排 我已不是小孩 相信依赖
眼泪和心碎也不能 让我的心裏 失去期待 才看到那未来
那些人潮人海 如此迫不及待 散去又回来
没有某个角落 可以置身世外 逃开现在
如果我放弃该怎样去面对那些真挚的爱 谁拥有那未来
爱我的人 相信我 我一直在 努力改变所有失败 为你们而存在
爱我的人感谢你 你们的爱 就算人生不是精彩 我也要勇敢的姿态
就像夜裏的光 就像皮鞭的响 指引著羔羊
伤口需要滚烫 生命需要成长 痛要品尝
命运去碰撞才会懂坚持 是不是对的方向 错过的不要想
就像干花的香 就像杯底的糖 沉淀了思想
每个人不一样 也许你的幸福 地址不详
要明白被爱并不是 一种奖赏 而是种力量 要用它去发光
多少次紧握著明天徘徊让昨天无法释怀就算我注定失败还有你暖的胸怀
爱我的人相信我 我一直在 努力 改变所有失败 为你们而存在
爱我的人感谢你你们的爱就像在寒冷的雪天在寒冷的雪天
在寒冷的雪天 等待著 一朵花盛开
你们的爱-周笔畅
I would label this song as inspiring, touching and meaningful...
生命没有彩排 我已不是小孩 相信依赖
眼泪和心碎也不能 让我的心裏 失去期待 才看到那未来
那些人潮人海 如此迫不及待 散去又回来
没有某个角落 可以置身世外 逃开现在
如果我放弃该怎样去面对那些真挚的爱 谁拥有那未来
爱我的人 相信我 我一直在 努力改变所有失败 为你们而存在
爱我的人感谢你 你们的爱 就算人生不是精彩 我也要勇敢的姿态
就像夜裏的光 就像皮鞭的响 指引著羔羊
伤口需要滚烫 生命需要成长 痛要品尝
命运去碰撞才会懂坚持 是不是对的方向 错过的不要想
就像干花的香 就像杯底的糖 沉淀了思想
每个人不一样 也许你的幸福 地址不详
要明白被爱并不是 一种奖赏 而是种力量 要用它去发光
多少次紧握著明天徘徊让昨天无法释怀就算我注定失败还有你暖的胸怀
爱我的人相信我 我一直在 努力 改变所有失败 为你们而存在
爱我的人感谢你你们的爱就像在寒冷的雪天在寒冷的雪天
在寒冷的雪天 等待著 一朵花盛开
你们的爱-周笔畅
I would label this song as inspiring, touching and meaningful...
I still remember my dream. The one and only one. _________________________________________________
Sunday, August 9, 2009
|18:32|
Sometimes in life as you grow, your friends will either grow or go. Surrounding yourself are people who reflect values, goals interests and lifestyle. At first you think you’re going to be alone, but after a while new people show up in your life that make your life so much meaningful and easier to endure.
But how true is this?
Is it always true that we will mingle with the right friend?
After all,
"Birds of a feather flock together."
This statement is a generalisation, unimpeachable and yet true. Sometimes I wonder why i must know you. 4 and a half years, albeit not very long, you have been a friend of mine. But deep down, I know you are not among the troop I am looking for, perhaps we are just not the same kind of birds that flock together. Perhaps, it's time we say goodbye to each other. Perhaps, I shouldn't even have known you.
How do I bring this across? Let me put it this way. I feel the same way I felt about you when I first met you. Taking things for granted, surely, you don't appreciate the people and things around, the kind that have little or no sense of sensibility but seem to "have it all". I knew it, didn't I? Obviously, I won't socialize with such person. How naive was I to get along with you huh? BUT, fortunately and thankfully, after 3 or 4 months, I will not have to face that ignorant, idiotic face of yours, wearing a mask. Yes you are such a hypocrite.
Now, as I recall all the memories i had with you, I just feel, they are insignificant and meant absolutely nothing to me. No, i won't treasure a friend like you. You are a great friend to be with, but you are just not mine. You clearly don't get the point of this blog. I'm done talkin' to you. It all shouldn't have started in the first place. Sigh*
-Be courteous to all, but intimate to few, and let all those be well-tried before you give them your confidence.-
But how true is this?
Is it always true that we will mingle with the right friend?
After all,
"Birds of a feather flock together."
This statement is a generalisation, unimpeachable and yet true. Sometimes I wonder why i must know you. 4 and a half years, albeit not very long, you have been a friend of mine. But deep down, I know you are not among the troop I am looking for, perhaps we are just not the same kind of birds that flock together. Perhaps, it's time we say goodbye to each other. Perhaps, I shouldn't even have known you.
How do I bring this across? Let me put it this way. I feel the same way I felt about you when I first met you. Taking things for granted, surely, you don't appreciate the people and things around, the kind that have little or no sense of sensibility but seem to "have it all". I knew it, didn't I? Obviously, I won't socialize with such person. How naive was I to get along with you huh? BUT, fortunately and thankfully, after 3 or 4 months, I will not have to face that ignorant, idiotic face of yours, wearing a mask. Yes you are such a hypocrite.
Now, as I recall all the memories i had with you, I just feel, they are insignificant and meant absolutely nothing to me. No, i won't treasure a friend like you. You are a great friend to be with, but you are just not mine. You clearly don't get the point of this blog. I'm done talkin' to you. It all shouldn't have started in the first place. Sigh*
-Be courteous to all, but intimate to few, and let all those be well-tried before you give them your confidence.-
I still remember my dream. The one and only one. _________________________________________________