Sunday, January 31, 2010
|00:30|
When we encounter any hardship in life,
We boast in our sufferings,
Knowing that suffering produces endurance,
And endurance produces character,
And character produces hope,
And hope does not disappoint us.
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Friday, January 29, 2010
|22:54|
When a man has time aplenty, his mind travels in its own groove. And his mind starts to wonder. With so many accidents that happened lately, I'm already begin to believe that the objective of living is solely to await death.
Yes, death. You have not mistaken it.
Look, we may have everything. We may have gained the things we have been yearning for life. Wealth, health, career, love and et cetera. But alas, nothing would remain.
Because at last, death will take place, replacing them and killing all else.
If at this point, you're thinking that your life is not worth a mention, or think that you can take your life indifferently since death is certain to everyone. You are on the brink of self-destruction, and please read on..
Though Chinese believe that taking their own life is the most sinful act of all.
A good Samaritan would die in the end.
Even the most vicious, evil person does not escape this- death.
A baby cries upon his arrival, knowing that death is coming along his path. Thus the process of awaiting death begins.
So, life and death are pretty much coexisting. Death, a sequel and part and parcel of life, I feel, shouldn't be feared in our life, nor it should be something to be sad over about. In fact, the fact that it's inevitable makes us all realize the need to appreciate and treasure everything and everyone around us. There are many exceptions of course. Many apologies to those who have lost their loved ones, get over it and move on with your life. What else can you do then?
It isn't the period of life but the quality of it that counts.
We all know it well,
don't we?
There has never been any general standard on how to live life, or the meaning of life. But in the journey to each of our very own destination, I believe, the purpose of living, is to cherish and enjoy every moments and to love each other, whilst awaiting death. And that is what life is. Though many would have different opinions or disagree with me.
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Lying on my bed, I thought of what I had done for the day. I thought of what I had done so far in my life. Because, mind you, another day had just passed by.
And death is much nearer.
When I was finally about to doze off, something flashed across my mind. Quickly I turned to check the time out. I couldn't help but sighed then. I realized time was indeed short for me, though I still have tonnes of things to accomplish. Pretty clear was I that there was nothing I can do to prevent the world's most natural thing from happening.
It had to happen, anyhow, and soon.
And at any moment now it would come. I just wished I had more time, but somehow I knew I had to face it.
Guess what is it?
When I was about to doze off, I know that it's about time that the chickens around my house make their clucking sound. It's quite annoying. And oh, it was about 4 in the morning. hehe.
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Saturday, January 23, 2010
|22:35|
其实自己也不觉得奇怪，起码正常人都能看得到，听得见，甚至感觉上感受得到。。。
人们一生中都一直在追求着一种新鲜感，一种自豪感， 意味着的是一种认同。所以，即使在视觉上, 听觉上往往遇到一些错误的观念，譬如在言语上的粗暴等，在环境的一般唆使下，偶然显现出一种自豪和认同。
这是个错觉。
任何一方一旦置身于这类的环境，就会开始去习惯那类的言行举止，而习惯渐渐会成自然，自然最后会成为思维上自然行为。一言以蔽之，一种无法言喻的过程。
设身处地, 我还是初次感受到一个友人的变化。
就一句常用的话，
近朱者赤，近墨者黑。 应验后，却是一种
恐惧
惊骇
是一种不可思议的感觉。
毕竟真正能够出于泥而不染的人，近墨者而不黑的人，这世上, 寥寥可数.
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Tuesday, January 19, 2010
|16:02|
At the break of dawn, being awakened from a deep sleep, with a fleeting remnants of a dream beyond our grasp, is not something you'd want to experience. Trust me.
Today, my neighbourhood next door was a milieu of noise, at that early hour.
What baffles me most is how some teenagers, at the age of 15, have already chosen to forsake the routine of schooling. You and I, we know how hard it is to gain certain academic achievement nowadays, for the sake of future. The fact is, how hard it is no longer seems to be a question, nor is it something to be questioned about its difficulty. It has become the crude part of our academic life.
It has been instilled in our mind at the very beginning.
These fools! Just what do they get from refusing to go to school?
Just because their minds conceived of school as a place of sufferings? Or do they merely get overpowered by latent slothfulness?
It is, indeed intriguing.
When these fools start taking things for granted, when they fail to discern their parents' anxiety towards themselves, they are already going against my beliefs. And their ignorance and irresponsibility disgusts me immediately.
But it all seems to be fated, perhaps. Few years later down the road, when they look back at the route that they had chosen to abandon today, they would be struck down by the pain of regret. Then, they would realize that their future start shape-shifting from the moment they made the decision- That their impulsive reaction and thoughtlessness, do no good to them. What's done is done. No turning back.
Look, I've never, in my life, come to think of this dreadful idea of forsaking school, not before it forsakes me first. It is a place so filled with excitement, anticipation and hope.
There, I felt a sense of purpose.
There, the process of patching up, maturing and growing up takes place.
It is the best place I've ever been in my entire life.
No. I think they always have the chance to turn over a new leaf. They will always have the roundabout there to back them up.
But that's only when they know it before it's too late.
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Monday, January 11, 2010
|22:54|
if you happen to pass by batu berendam in the morning, you will probably see me cycling around or simply cycling along the road. Please don't be surprised or come ask me why. I need to do this very often, especially now with the schooling season, to feed my starvation. I went around, looking for food, searching for shop I have never seen before, and explore the new area regardless of the rising hot sun.
Also partially due to the boredom of being grounded at home.
Actually, I don't wanna think about it. But somehow, it comes to my mind, still. Today is the O-level results day for Singaporean who sat for the exam. Congrats to my cousin, albeit you consider it as being 'not ideal', I must say that I am pretty impressed by your achievement. Which somehow, reminds me that I will be taking chinese paper in spm next year. Chinese will be undoubtedly tougher and becoming highly challenging from year to year. Undeniably true. At least this is what we can see in the current standard of SPM chinese paper. And now what with the A+ system?
The numerous times of me being mistaken as a person who doesn't even know chinese come as a great insult. I hated it. Being called a "non-chinese" which can be terribly labeled around. Then people will start calling you, this and that, from what your label seems to tell other people.
Though it still remains unfathomable.
Because I have not forsaken it. Chinese, that is.
Our turn will be next, if you haven't realised that. SPM result- MARCH. But let's not deceive ourselves by saying we aren't a tincture nervous at the very least. Though dreadful thoughts and the word "bleak" might come later.
And Look, I have this friend of mine who noticed the flaw in me long before and started advicing me, of what I didn't really realise. Or rather, she reminded me of how annoying it is. (Well, perhaps if you even know what I was talking about)
Thank you, friend.
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Sunday, January 10, 2010
|01:11|
It is at time like this that I treasure, when everyone has wandered into the dreamland. Then I can do my own stuff peacefully, undisturbed. Seriously.
I remember my history teacher, Mr. Tay, once said, "Choose the wee hours of the morning to read up your history, at that time, nobody will disturb you." haha. Obviously he was joking. But now I have already started believing what he had said, not agreeing to studying so late but the fact that I can do anything without interruption from anybody. Partly due to that, my mind runs free at this moment, and is so active that you wouldn't believe it. Noise-free.
Yes, I am nocturnal.
The sun will rise in a couple more hours, shed its light and will begin to radiate heat, then everything starts all over. The noise will come, then maybe I will cast round for myself some excuses to walk away, or perhaps to some place where I could keep myself away from it. Noise, that is. Because it's perpetually annoying! It has been months now. But it never seems to stop.
First, I had SPM coming in months. This thing, called noise, created from somewhere around my house, had caused me several sleepless naps. During the day, I found it difficult to focus on whatever I need to study before SPM. Darn them! Later I found myself losing appetite and could hardly sleep at night. I threw tantrum every now and then, whilst wasting lots of precious time. It was such impossible task to even bear it. Trust me.
That time, fortunately, I found a place called library.
It was so naive of me to think that all those would vanish as soon as the house completed its renovation.Then another house nearby began its renovation,took another few weeks or months. Then another neighbour of mine built his car-porch roof and the gate and then the renovation. Ah, I'm already mentally sick, please don't add weight to my burden! Even now I have change my environment, the renovation is still taking place, two houses away.
And so now, I simply despise noise pollution.
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Saturday, January 9, 2010
|14:42|
So I have a change in my surrounding, as you can see it in the title. It aint no new piece of news anyway. Just that recently a lot of things have been completed, thus this post with a little descriptions.
It's not that I dislike changing environment. The first 17 years of my life living so long in a place isn't just something that could be cast aside, or to be forgotten so easily. Memories accompany, wherever I walk by. Happenings imaginatively reiterate, and images of me resurface, in every corner of the house. The kind of feelings towards it, simply the kind of affection you have towards a place you have so long calling it home! And leaving it as though leaving all those memories behind, buying it for another new life which stores up new memories. It reflects a way of life that has now vanished, and yet is clearly a life that I will still cherish in my memories.
Adapting in a new vicinity though, is quite exciting to me, it also requires some time for the word 'safe' and 'home' to kick in.
The other day, when I was having lunch in the kitchen, I saw a monkey, of a size of a 10-year-old, passed by our house by means of climbing the walls. How many nowadays have actually seen a living monkey climbing around their house? Extraordinary? yes. it seldom pass by. Yet, it led me thinking and expecting something else to appear next time.
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Friday, January 1, 2010
|00:49|
The very first-
A New Year's Wish For Everyone! Happy 2010!
Well, how I wish it will be a happy year- that everything will turn out to be better than what I have expected.
When the new year comes, we will think about yesterday, we will think of how we had lived through the days of our last year, from every aspects. We will think about the every lessons that we had learnt through our hearts. When the new year comes, we'll think about the future that lies ahead, the every possible ways that it will be unfolded, like a mystery being unraveled. And yes, last year had been a good year to me. Pleasant memories, sweet memories and some being unpleasant. It was a year in which we all crossed over the boundary of being a young adult. A year in which I had learnt to deal with things better, especially time.
The upcoming year, or rather, this whole new year, is going to be quite a different from all that I have had a few years back. I can feel no more of the anticipation to go to school, I can no longer feel the excitement to catch up with our old friends in school as I normally would in the first few days before school reopens. I can no longer go back to school as a student. Neither is there a need to. No more exams, no more assignments, for quite a long lapse of time, I think. Over and above all these, the absence of stress, which makes one very relax, feels alive and ABNORMAL.
Unlike most people will make plans for their future, plans on colleges, plans on securing overseas universities and whatnot, I however, thought little about it. It's not that I have nothing to think about. But all of these will only begin when the time comes, which I would agree if it looks bleak. My high school life have been good, but now I have reached the edge of it. I found myself on the horns of a dilemma when I am forced to choose the path ahead, the road to be taken.
Surely, I will look around, look at people around me going to colleges, overseas, and then somehow a dreadful thought would come haunting me. "Hell no, I am doing form 6!"
Unless I find other ways out.
What the future holds for us seems to be an amusing question humanity has been trying to find out since almost the beginning of time. God, in His wisdom, rarely lets us know what the future holds for us as individuals. In many respects, knowing the future would not be a good thing for us to know.
And as today is the 1st of January, I shall not make things look that bad. After all, we must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.
And as for me, I will always have hope.
Hope for the better, hope for the best.
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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