Saturday, March 27, 2010
|00:54|
It could be just a dream.
The desire to become real silently screams inside my chest to be liberated, to grab my full attention to realise. But it might still be a dream, a dream too pleasant to be dreamt about. A desire too strong to be pleased.
And the distance, which never seems to get any closer no matter how dying you have been trying to reach. Though I know I am not even close to that point yet.
But it's all part of the problems, traumatizing even, after you've made your choice, competent to make you wonder.
When will I find my true metier? Is this it? Is the way of following the path of interest a right decision after all?
And what if ?? what if it rejects me ultimately, is giving up the only way I can go?
I wish someone would sit down with me, answer all my questions and then tell me what to do.
To lift up the hopes and perhaps to bring back my dream.
To take this dream up or another which is not?
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
_________________________________________________
Thursday, March 25, 2010
|13:34|
Day 3- Surgical, which in short, is basically sit-and-talk session for us group 4. Any tiny bits of it won't at all appeal to anyone, trust me.
So instead of kept talking and talking and chatting with people around there and wasting our saliva, we spiced the day up handily by handphone games. LOL.
Confidence is good, crucial and essential. But abound in it, it makes the speaker unduly and overly rude and arrogant to irritate. They have been marked and imaginatively blacklisted on my checklist at the very beginning. By saying rude, I really mean the very very amat sangat teramat the paling rude type, the one who you'd feel like punching straight into the face.
You know what it feels, when you meet one.
_________________________________________________
So I plan it out, carefully arrange my schedule. Not a day is exempted from it.
Every other day, including Sunday, is a day for training of physique.
7 days in a week are poorly insufficient, don't you think?
Why don't they have 10 days as a week or 20 instead?
To make an even number.
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
_________________________________________________
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
|12:38|
Day 3
Briefing, then walked around, then sien, then witnessed baby cried. =.=
(Just use your imagination LOL)
Anyway, more details can be found in 'joshua' or 'joess' 's blog.
I just can't be bothered to type out anything more about this, except that I am really traumatized now everytime I think of that I might be fainted, even when I am just sitting around. So one day if I really blackout, it's not because I've seen some frightful stuffs, but because I am scared, really scared that I will faint. Panic attack? Apparently the psychological 'spell' is playing with my mind. But whatever it is, I am still in love with this field.
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Tuesday, March 23, 2010
|20:24|
Day 2. -Sorry I have to keep this one short and less informative, I've got to go.
A first. Everything that happened today was a first.
It was the first time I saw a POP (plaster of paris) being cast live. The first time I saw a diabetic and gangrene case. The first time I almost blacked out not knowing why and how it happened.
It was rather unexpected. Imagine 20-25 students in a really small room where one can hardly breathe in enough. Imagine that I had been staring at it without feeling anything for the first 15 minutes or so before the half rest of the group came in. Nevertheless, I call it "thrilling". For those who have never experience it, you've got to try it out hahah, cuz I can't exactly put it into words.
It was my first time to Seoul Garden. My first over-rm30-lunch.
But it was worth every single penny I think, since today is the first day for everything that's a first. So it became a memorable and quite a meaningful day.
P.S : I have said a few things today so far which some had really happened to me, as if being cast spell or something LOL. I mentioned about how is it like to feel cramp during swimming and how is fainted like.
But all in all Challenges. Just like how I want it to be.
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Nowadays when things happened, he always looks back and ponders if he had made the right decisions. The dreamer, as the name claims, always dreams about things unrealistically and sometimes, plots it in his mind even.
He thought it would be better this way, than realistically facing people who are rather unsincere. Those hypocrites! Leave him alone!
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Monday, March 22, 2010
|16:02|
Programme - PPKSD
Venue - Hospital Melaka
Group 4
Day 1
You know, for those who were chosen to be in the 4th group, it must have been very disappointing so far I must say.
Because it's been an ultimate time waster. Because nothing really happened at all !
The first thing that came across our mind when we were told that we would be doing O & G (Oil & Gas) today was " Oh How fun! the most interesting of ALL!! oh oh oh!"
So many of them quickly intruded into our group. =.=
At first thought, we thought we would get to see extraordinary stuffs, stuffs that we don't really get to see often, that is. Imagine our disappointment then when we were just merely ushered around by the sister who just showed the rooms and department for us. Bored to tears, we ended up going around getting the doctors to share their experiences with us. So dull! We were told that we would go to the clinic later to witness cool stuffs.
But we were dismissed earlier around 2pm.
C'mon !! Where's all da Fun and the Shock element?! Bring it on and show us all... la?
Tomorrow will be doing Orthopedics session, hope it will be a good one.
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Preposterousness.
It was supposed to be by 9.oo a.m., or even later. It was supposed to be that I woke up feeling dreadfully tired (as due some obscure reasons, I couldn't sleep the whole night until 4 something) so it became quite a ridicule to me to reach there at 7. But anyway, I woke up at 5.30. (thanks to joash. er..)
The sky was nearly lit when I arrived, so it was dim, blue and real quiet. Walking up the stairs and on my way to wherever my feet was directing me, I realize I had never seen this part of the hospital from this angle and this time before.
Well, there it was, the cafeteria, where I sat at its very corner, a seat which allows me to have an entire look on the view around.
I was then able to observe the hectic changes in the hospital. Through all the people- patients who were rushing here and there, the zipping past of the doctors around me. One thing in my mind became firm and certain- this is who I wanna be, I told myself.
But There, quite a distance from my seat, about 200 m away, I was traumatized, at the distance, at the thought of how far still is my dream from where I am, from where I sat, from where I was-
The dreamer realises that it's the distance that he has yet to cover. The distance that he would probably couldn't achieve.
It is, after all, just a dream.
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Saturday, March 20, 2010
|23:51|
I saw this jpa interview experience on the net and somehow I find it being scarily funny/funnily scarily. See for yourself...
What inspire you to choose this field and what do this field do?
1st student : Automotive engineering German, bla-bla-bla automotive in malaysia not so good bla bla bla.. wanna know more about social life in oversea.
"Car in germany better? why the german car never win the F1 races? always ferrari, ferrari."
2nd student : Automotive engineering... I love cars... shapes...
"Is car depends on the shape?"
Last but not least...
3rd student : Architecture... bla bla.. wanna get inspiration from oversea.. bla bla
Start shooting...
"Did you know that high buildings are not good for malaysia?"
"How high is good for malaysia?"
"You cannot get inspiration from malaysia to build something?"
"Didn't you know that building can attract tourists?"
Others like...
student : My chosen country is Mesir bla bla
"Then why did you get only a three in your bahasa arab? "
"Do you think a three is enough to allow you to study in Mesir?" *shakes head* "It's not enough."
woah kena shot.
Oh I'm freaking out! = O
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Friday, March 19, 2010
|23:43|
A pair of new leather shoes was right in front of me.
There, staring right down at it, I felt a sense of excitement, of eagerness, and a whopping desperation.
There, I managed to peep into the future, to see what it holds for a petty minds like me.
Then, I gave my brain a serious thought, hardening the head of all decisions to where I am heading- where banging my head against the wall, the wall cracks.
Then, I gave a squeeze on my heart- to verify my will. Now have even gone up the extra miles to go through soul searching, to look for my answer.
Then, I weight the possibilities, I rediscover my identity.
So that is my choice. I am picking it.
There again, staring down at it, was my black-coloured leather shoes,
as shiny as my future. (or so I hope)
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Thursday, March 18, 2010
|01:16|
Would you pursue scholarships or your dreams?
Given only two options, where you were to choose one between the two.
How do you make your move?
You get your scholarship(s) but sadly it's not something that you wanna study and you might just regret later in years to come, OR
you firmly reject the scholarship(s) given to you and continue to strive for your dream in another road not taken, or just simply a road 'risk' taking? Like doing form 6 or something...
But either way, it doesn't make much of a difference. You know you are going to be overwhelmed by regrets when the time comes.
LOL, but we are all used to it already, aren't we?
This is life, and there are always some imperfections here and there.
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Wednesday, March 17, 2010
|01:51|
A few years ago, I used to think that scholarships are only meant for smart people, that I am really not good enough for it. It isn't really my thing actually or so I thought so I will most probably be stuck in doing form 6.
A few months ago, I used to think that scholarships are only meant for people who are lucky enough at that particular time. They are, at the same time, smart people, as I would like to say.
A few weeks ago, I used to stare at the high-achiever with admiration. Never did I thought of grouping myself amongst themselves.
And come to think of it, I still think so after all these years.
But a few days ago, there are some people who somehow begin to believe that I, though dubiously and through skepticism, am actually one of them.
_________________________________________________
I always say, scholarships are not meant for rich kids (not targeted on anyone and pls don't get offended). Especially those epitome of cunning people who forge their pay slip/salary in order to get themselves scholarships.
There are those who do not cheat their way through, but to secure scholarships even, they are further depriving the chances of others who are unfortunate.
Because at the very end, even when they do not get selected for scholarships, their bloody rich parents do pretty much afford to send their kids over to overseas for whatever courses which may sound more superior. Those snobbish kids!
Think about the purpose of scholarships. Think about it...
To help the poor or moderate who are potential leaders and give them a chance or to sponsor the rich whose own families can already support them enough but still fake their salary/income?
Think about it. When 10 thousands people does a stupid thing, it's still a stupid thing.
The because-everyone-does-it excuse does not justify for doing something.
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Tuesday, March 16, 2010
|23:25|
Almost 100 days.
I looked at the calendar and realised how long I have been in holidays.
Time to get into gear and let the work begins.
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Sunday, March 14, 2010
|00:19|
There may be a reason for showing up at work this morning, but the day in general is favorable for you, Taurus, as long as you remain sure of yourself. Your ability to to get the job done is at its peak today. You may have to make some alterations in plans with your friends because of sudden complications, but everything works out by the evening, which should be enjoyable. Questions may come up about your long-term plans this evening, but it is a time for enjoying yourself, not for an interview.
For some reasons, I am beginning to like the fb daily horoscope.
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Friday, March 12, 2010
|12:30|
"People would think that you are a foreigner if they ever see your results."
Come to think of it, this is really funny. Miss Kok is right, maybe I am not malaysian, maybe I don't belong here. Maybe I am just one of those china man who can barely speak a word of malay. haha.. but in malaysia, give it a serious thought though, what can I do without the bahasa of it?
But I guess it's completely fine...
Since I told Mr. Sarsi yesterday morning.
"Look sir, we are all racists, so it's completely understandable that I don't score an A+ for bahasa malaysia." LOL.
Yet looking back, it's intriguing, isn't it?
How life plays with us.
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I have a sudden strong desire to keep fit. Okay, maybe it's time to do so anyway (since I have so much free time), even if it takes me (er let's see) 10 years? 20 years? or 50 years?
I wouldn't mind it so much- as I think I would be enjoying every single moment and taking my time slowly whilst I am doing these.
So I guess it's completely fine too.
_________________________________________________
Come to think of it again, this is really funny, at how my bahasa would get A- when I thought it would be a positive sign.
How infuriating and frustrating!
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Thursday, March 11, 2010
|21:57|
The chickens' clucking sound around my house seems to be getting earlier day by day. The previous time I have heard it was around 5, then it came at 3. And yesterday it was as early as 2a.m. LOL.
Extraordinary.
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Some people say that I am overly humble.
I agree to a certain point, but I think I am more of a pessimist.
A true pessimist. A true pessimist which sometimes gets very annoying to the people around.
Sorry guys if I ever annoy you.
Extraordinary.
_________________________________________________
As extraordinary as my spm results.
SPM results:
10A+
M-Maths
A-Maths
Biology
Chemistry
Physics
History
Economy
Accounts
English
Moral
1 A-
Bahasa Malaysia
_________________________________________________I still couldn't believe it. And imagine my shock then when I heard they announced my name wrongly, or rather I heard it wrongly, disbelievingly.
But still, many thanks to all the teachers who had made my fantastic results possible.
Without you guys, it would be near impossible for my achievement.
And Congratulation to those people who have excellent results.
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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|01:15|
I smile but I may be crying deep within.
I nod to signify agreement, but sometimes, it doesn't seem to be so.
I think I understand myself well but many a times I am lost too.
I am good at things which I am not. (understandable, I am good at nothing)
I am thinking when actually I am not, and vice versa (okay, maybe.. it sounds right)
I speak when I am silent. (er.. deep fuyoh)
And that's partially me.
Unpredictable.
I think I am writing something which makes sense, but it turns out to be quite a lame post.
Conclusion~
I am lame.
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Wednesday, March 10, 2010
|10:36|
Thinking of tomorrow, I couldn't help but think of .... Oh the feeling of being overwhelmed by _______ regrets when....
*touch wood*
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隔了整整三个月后再次回到我们之前所暂且搁下的事物，内心感受只能用复杂来形容。
在这段长而不长的时间，无论其中发生过什么，就算你已经士别三日，也是时候回到原有的路线。抛开一切，
是时候继续上路咯！
但在还没行走之前，请看看你周遭的人，看看他们的改变，人数的增减，看看他们熟悉的脸，回想起你们从前的相遇，是巧碰，还是生命中的安排？
好了，现在看看你自己，是否已经准备妥当，准备揭晓你们的下一步骤。
向前走几步。。不要急，事情总会有个交待；却也不必太害怕担心，这是大家都必须经历的。
眼前会有许许多多的分叉路，不要被它们吓坏而发愣，要知道，这是你们必走的道路。在每一条路，或许你们会碰见熟悉的面孔，又或许不会，总之，前面等着你们的人多得是。
他们都是你人生中的过路客。
而每一条路，都有它的好和坏。途中的每一秒钟，你的生命或许正在悄然改变着，变化或大或小。
而明天，你将得知你的人生道路又会是哪一条的分叉路。
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今天就是所谓的截止日期，截止这三个月的时间。
上天阿，我日后走的路会艰辛吗？会难熬吗？
祈祷上天保佑我，保佑我，让我有一个新得好开始，一个美好的将来。
如果没至少7个A+, 就选择上F6.
你说你厌倦生活，无起无落，无惊无喜吧？明天包你会有惊无喜，无起有落，够刺激吧?
*Touch wood**Touch wood*
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Tuesday, March 9, 2010
|16:29|
1st gear !
2nd gear !!
3rd gear !!!
4th gear !!!!
5th gear !!!!!
Drift!!
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Monday, March 8, 2010
|11:16|
Today is Monday.
Oh duck and there goes Tuesday, Wednesday and then Thursday.
You know what hor.
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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|00:45|
To my great surprise, I realise, hey there are actually people who sleep daily before 2 a.m. Or rather, it's only me who do the opposite.
You think so too eh?
Really? think again? Weight it twice, and now range it around my friends..
Wait a second, don't get me wrong, I am not being sarcastic or mean anything mean here la, so.. okay, maybe I am just too bored.
So...
Cancel out people who play games (like dota), people who study overnight before exam, and people who's addicted to facebook,
I am still left with people who surf the net, people who is addicted to mahjong, people who crazily read regardless of the time, people who is simply crazy, people who still haven't get their duty done, people with the problem of sleeping early (lol), people who have nightmare and get woken up, and people who is only tired after 2am.
Don't believe?
Turn on your msn and see what I really mean.
But when X revealed that he is one of them who sleeps early. I believe him at once.
Because that time at camp right, even under the worst circumstances, with thousands of mosquitoes, stupid smells, loud noise from D's camp etc etc, he still insisted to sleep at twelve.
Haha....
and get woken up by mosquitoes.
I know I sound crazy. LOL. I am.
If you still need me to spell it out for you..
Before or after. 2am.
I choose the former from today onwards.
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Sunday, March 7, 2010
|23:18|
Something is gnawing away on everyone's mind, but nobody dares to say it out lest that it transform into some ugly reality.
I don't know it either.
One in my position would be inevitable to worry about something that even when he knows he can do nothing about.
*Stares blankly into space*
I'm quite moody now. But tomorrow we shall see.
_________________________________________________
What is wrong with msn these days, troubleshooting in signing in when I need it the most?
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Saturday, March 6, 2010
|22:06|
Now I'm going to talk about bizarre thing.
Well, it's a believe-it-or-not in this case.
Have I ever mentioned that I've seen a monkey that wandered past my house?
So yes, this monkey, recently has become a HOT topic in my neighbourhood. They talk about it every now and then.
And this monkey right, they say, has been well-trained to steal things, and has been seen quite frequently climbing around the nearby houses lately. To be exact, there are two.
Now let your imagination runs free.
These monkeys, two of them are believed to be capable of squeezing through the window to steal things from your house, without breaking through the locks and the doors and triggering the alarm system.
Amazing right?
This is even more 'high-tech' than all the alarm and security system that has ever been invented up until today.
LOL.
So I jestingly suggest that if we ever come across any monkey that is stealing things and be able to catch it red-handed, we'd better report it to the police/bomba/zoo or whatever.
So when we tell them that it's the monkey that steals our belongings, we are expecting them to know our circumstance, THAT the monkey really steals stuff from us.
And not the other way around.
: O
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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|14:18|
When I say that I don't really bother about the day and will most probably banish my earlier intention of going school.
I'm really just saying that I'm lying.
I mean, how could I actually pretended as though nothing is really going to happen and continue seeing life as it is?
I realise I couldn't make it. Even then if I try.
And trust me, I have tried, but it didn't work out so well.
The next five minutes or so people will start reminding you about it. LOL.
To acknowledge certain things which you have done wrongly in the past is excruciating.
You know what I mean.
When you are thinking of getting another chance to start anew and leaving all those blunders which you had committed in the past, but you feel as though you are walking in the opposite backward direction instead, and you know that it's impossible to do so.
Because second chance never really exist. Which is why it reminded me that we should always treasure the time around and not wasting any opportunities, whether they present themselves or not, knowing that one action will lead to another, in this endless cycle called life.
So let's say you screw up your opportunity of doing something at a certain some time ago, you should know then, that some terrible things are going to happen to you as a result of your previous actions.
It's self explanatory though, in this never-ending cycle which goes on and on and you aren't able to break through it.
It's pathetic, in a way, because your confidence is somewhat decreasing when you're counting down the days left.
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A few days ago, I don't know whether this should sound funny to you, a friend asked me why 'we' are so tensed up whenever we mention about how close it is from the day.
To clarify, let's just say that we are now at the junction between two routes,
and facing perhaps one of the biggest challenges of our lives.
at least for those who care.
_________________________________________________
Now that I realise I don't have much a confidence in everything I do.
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
_________________________________________________
Friday, March 5, 2010
|23:31|
This post was actually much delayed due to this reason and that.
Apparently M time took up much more time and occupied the rest.
So I went back to school yesterday, like I said I would.
The school hasn't really changed, no new building yet which I am really looking forward to seeing.
It was nostalgic, it was.
I fixed my gaze on the faraway runners who had just gotten themselves ready on the starting point. It's 1600m run and they knew exactly what they had to face, even before the run started.
I recognized their expressions. And a sense of uncertainty on some of their faces.
When they reached the end, almost close to the line, I saw myself running through it some years ago.
_________________________________________________
An upper secondary student asked me how to solve an addmaths question.
I looked at the question I was once so familiar with. I was dumbfounded, and not knowing how to response. I remember certain parts of it, but then some, they wasn't very clear in my mind.
So I told that fellow that I've forgotten parts and needed some time to think.
I asked X for help but to no avail.
At last, I solved it correctly, not disappointing myself.
But now looking back, I realise I shouldn't have asked for help at all. I shouldn't have given up on myself so early in the first place. It wasn't really 'me' by the way, considering how last time I have once cooped up in room for several days to find a solution to a question.
Sometimes,
believing in yourself is strength,
and give yourself a slight push if needed,
not forgetting to boost your confidence up a little bit.
Then once again, really believe in yourself that you are capable of doing it.
And then there, you can really see the difference.
Oh damn it, how time has taken a toll on my memory!
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
_________________________________________________
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
|15:08|
Still moving under gunfire,
in the night sky,
where enemies hide.
I will fight,
till the end times,
till my knees cry,
I'll get up, get up!
I will fight,
till I die.
till the morning light,
and that sunlight will shine on me.
Attention, attention.
Rule of engagement,
Don't make your intentions known,
No mercy shown,
To each his own.
Fashion and election,
it's all about expression,
How to make your stand,
How you play your plan.
That makes you a man.
JJ's~
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
_________________________________________________
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
|16:21|
A friend started talking to me and calling my name. We have the same instructor for all I know. Mind you, I didn't know this guy but I have seen him at somewhere la. That certain familiarity of his face. But that's a considerably long time ago.
So I went like "Um... eh, how do you know my name?".
And again, I really didn't know this guy. So his reply had somehow actually taken me aback. Because according to him, he said that this is common because they "backclasses people" always know our names and never the opposite. This has never occurred in my mind before. I mean, why do they have this notion to draw this thin fine line between themselves and those who aren't? (ok, don't wanna induce argument, so no further elaboration) so I was pretty flabbergasted and tongue-tied. I felt quite bad to be frank.
But after a long chat, (well, I've no idea why I talked a lot at that time, maybe to banish the nervousness and tension whilst awaiting for our turns) I said,
"that's not true.. because I know... your name .. and may-be.. " And I uttered out his name.
And both of us started laughing.
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Do you know the feeling of passing your driving test at the very first attempt? especially when all you have thought for the whole day was that failing doesn't really matter because a lot of our friends already did.
It feels so.. soOo...
uh, you know?
Duh~
LOL~ My tester is a pervert if you know what I mean. He talked hamsap just to get me a pass! BoO~HoOoo~
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Sometimes, I am being known as an anti-social person. An introvert.
Sometimes, a recluse.
And many a times, I am so straight forward and annoying that people can't really bear with me.
So it's never easy to start a conversation.
But when you speak,
oh you are really speaking to me,
and that has broken the barrier that has subconsciously set up between us.
All the coincidences we shared, certainly
They all have their meanings.
The thing that pierces the gentle chest, that's a fragment of my dream.
As it is, believe once more in the miracle that is our chanced meeting.
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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Monday, March 1, 2010
|09:40|
As you see through life,
you will see that there is so much more that we don't understand,
so much more that are still lying ahead, and not known.
And the only thing we really know
is things don't always go the way we planned.
As you see through life,
you will see that everything is being well-scripted,
like a play being well planned out by God,
And we are all being destined to do certain things or face certain difficulties at a certain point of life. Fate, that is.
As you see through life,
you will see that life is but a game.
A chess game.
And we are all pawns in it.
As you see through March, tell me then,
what do you see?
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这是个心理测验，能从而看出你的真面目。
如果有一天，你遇见熊怎么办？
A- 跑得比熊快
B- 和熊一样快
C- 比熊慢
选A- 你比禽兽还禽兽
选B- 就是禽兽
选C- 禽兽不如。。。!
哈哈！
I still remember my dream. The one and only one.
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